


The Difference Between Peter Parker and Spiderman

by malicioussocks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 17:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19773262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malicioussocks/pseuds/malicioussocks
Summary: what if tony doesn’t know peter is spiderman and he really is hired as an intern





	The Difference Between Peter Parker and Spiderman

**Author's Note:**

> Far From Home pretty much broke me so I'm here to write only nice irondad spiderson goodness.
> 
> Also did someone say projection?
> 
> (This has got nothing to do with any kind of cannon plot)

Peter Parker and Spiderman are two different people. One is a genetically enhanced superhuman who spends his time shooting webs and saving the world, while the other is a high school grade teenager with a tragic backstory and even more tragic luck. One is brave and quick witted while the other is quiet and generally invisible. There are many differences between Peter Parker and Spiderman, which is why it’s hard to be both. Balancing an alter ego and highschool is no easy feat but hiding the truth from others is as easy as hiding in plain sight because the truth is that no one would ever look twice. A skinny wide eyed kid from Queens couldn’t possibly be the friendly neighbourhood Spiderman… or could he? 

  
  


One of the tragedies that comes with being Peter Parker is that no one expects anything from him which consequently makes not sounding like a liar to his peers entirely impossible. And while Peter could look at this as a perk to keep his identity hidden it weighs heavily on his conscience. It forbids him to express excitement over the fact he impressed Tony [ _ freaking _ ] Stark enough to land himself an internship working under him. The internship is a voluntary opportunity offered through the school for junior students where you can apply for a three month internship at the company of your choosing. Peter was only half serious when he suggested Stark Industries and boy was he surprised when they actually got back to him. People like to tell Peter how cool his life is. He’s on a first name basis with Ironman, he’s met the Avengers, he has an internship at Stark Industries and gets to spend his time working on classified technology for superheroes. But the truth is that while he has this huge opportunity it’s hard to be an intern, a student and a hero at the same time. 

  
  


On the other hand, one of the tragedies that comes with being Spiderman is that no one tells you how lonely it is, how anxious you become thinking that everyone is going to find out. It’d just be nice to have someone to talk to every now and then, a relief Peter thinks would be too similar to taking off his backpack at the end of the school day. Peter has thought extensively about telling someone, May, Ned, MJ, heck even  _ Tony Stark _ but he can’t help but feel that no matter how much he trusts them, it will never be enough. He can’t pass on that kind of burden to his favourite people, that’s just not fair to them. Another thing no one tells you about is the nightmares and the trauma left over from the fights and battles you face, even being a friendly neighbourhood Spiderman can get you into some pretty sticky situations. Last year for example Peter fought his homecoming dates dad and all he was really left with was a fear of small spaces. Claustrophobia is no joke and has caused him to wake up tangled in his sheets and thrashing until he’s free too many times to count. It’s the kind of thing that can really catch you off guard and is impossible to explain, which is where the issue lies.

Peter can handle the fear, he can handle the isolation but what he can’t handle is the exhaustion. He knows,  _ he knows _ that one day he is going to slip up and someone is going to find out and that is the moment he knows it’ll all be over...

“Kid! Are you listening to me? Peter can you hear me, snap out of it,” Tony Stark is snapping his fingers in front of Peters face, trying to get his attention.

“Ye - yeah! I’m listening!” Peter sits up quickly, alert and looking at Tony.

“What’s going on with you, staying up too late?”

“What - oh yeah, sorry. I’m fine, you were saying,”

“I was saying you look exhausted, go home and sleep,”

“No no, I’m fine really, I haven’t quite figured out this -”

“That wasn’t a suggestion, that was an order.  _ Go _ .  _ Home _ . Happy can give you a ride,”

“Mr. Stark, thank you but that’s  _ totally _ not necessary, I can get home on my own it’s really no problem -”

“You need to learn the difference between an instruction and a proposition, come on let’s get you home.” Tony didn’t leave it up for conversation, just grabbed Peters backpack and started walking out of the lab. “ _ Christ _ what have you got in here a library!”

Peter was still staring after Tony as he takes his bag hostage and escapes with it and it’s contents of web fluid and homework. He can almost sense the moment he goes to reach for the zipper to confirm the existence of a library or not before it even happens.

“I got it!” he yells a bit too loudly and a bit too quickly, “You don’t have to carry my stuff...” he quickly commandeers his belongings back and secures the zip before slinging it over his shoulder. He can feel Tony’s gaze burning into him as he keeps his eyes trained on the floor.

“Are you alright kid? You seem a little... off tonight. Is everything fine a home and school, I’m not putting too much pressure on you am I cause you can tell me if I am and I can back off I won’t be offended or anything -”

As Tony rambles on and on about the pressure he may or may not be placing on Peter, his stress level is soaring, only accelerated by his lack of sleep and eventually he explodes. He just wants Tony to be quiet.

“I’m Spiderman!” he suddenly yells, and for a split second it feels like the weight of the world has just rolled off of his shoulders but as quickly as it left it is back and twice as heavy as before. The silence from the other man is almost worse than anything else he had been imagining. He doesn’t really know what reaction he was expecting but he’s positive this is both the worst way to reveal the secret and the worst response. An overwhelming feeling to just apologise or run away tugs at his senses, he needs to leave. He chances a quick glance at Tony Stark, fellow superhero Ironman and tries to escape only to be stopped by a fist grabbing the hood of his jumper. He almost expects to be thrown to the ground like it’s second nature but instead he is pulled into the chest of the other man in a forceful hug that doesn’t leave an opening for escape. 

A beat ticks by before a wave of repressed emotion washes over Peter like a damn tsunami and in the next second his eyes are stinging and his throat is burning. His fingers tighten in Tony’s shirt and soon he is sobbing. The urge to apologise is still there but suddenly it’s Tony saying sorry, apologising for pressuring him into it and making him feel like he owed him an explanation. Then he seems to realise how strongly Peter is gripping onto him and realises what needs to be done in this situation. Peter doesn't need some kind of helicopter parent he needs someone who can identify with him, and the one person more than capable of doing that is  _ himself _ . Tony is probably the only one who does understand and Peter feels stupid for not realising it sooner. Tony was always the safest option. The one person he could blindly trust because he understands,  _ he gets it _ . What it feels like to feel so lost and alone, to have to figure it all out by yourself. 

“We don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to, there’s plenty of time,” Tony brushes his thumb gently on Peters back almost as a way to calm  _ himself _ as much as it is for Peter. 

Words are still caught in his throat so he doesn’t try to respond but does attempt to take a step back, removing his fisted hands from the other mans shirt. His eyes stay trained on the floor and then that silence is back again, Peter can’t stand it. Silence is lonely and suffocating, claustrophobic even.

“Now, you really should go to bed, we can talk more about this when you don’t have two black eyes,”

Going home was the  _ last _ thing Peter wanted to do right now and the apprehension must have shown cause Tony is suddenly offering for him to stay. 

“I’ve got school tomorrow Mr. Stark,” It was a lame excuse he knows. 

“No you don’t, I’ll call them in the morning. Come on, I’ve been dying to show you this for forever,”

The thing about Tony Stark is that even though Peter has only known him for going on three months - which in the grand scheme of things is a  _ minuscule _ amount of time - he feels as if he has known the older man his whole existence. Tony has quite literally welcomed him into his life on nothing more than a whim all because he thought Peter was special.

Tony Stark saw something in  _ Peter Parker _ , not Spiderman. 

The guiding arm around Peters shoulders halted them outside a door on the residential floor. Peter looked from the door to Tony who pushed the boy forward and nodded his head. Reaching out an unsure hand Peter turned the door handle and pushed it inwards. 

“It’s for you. It did occur to me at some point that I don’t really know what you like besides building stuff so think of it like a blank canvas, do with it what you will. And before you say anything, I know that your internship is almost over but I think that - especially with recent revelations - you might need it. I want to offer you a job here, maybe just a temp position until you’re old enough but it’s something to think about. In the meantime though, you are always welcome regardless of if you take the job or not.” Tony pauses a moment. “You don’t have to give me an answer now, I know It’s a lot to think about and I know how tired you are. Get some sleep kiddo,” Tony pats him on the shoulder and goes to walk away.

“Um... Mr. Stark… would you mind if…" what was he trying to say? Ask Mr. Stark to stay with him until he falls asleep? He's not a kid anymore, he doesn't need a nightlight or an adult to protect him. This was a bad idea.

"What is it kid?"

"It… it doesn't matter, don't worry. I'm good. Thank you by the way, I don't know what to say, I just… Goodnight Mr. Stark," Trying to cover up his almost embarrassing question really only made Tony more concerned.

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

The question completely catches Peter off guard and he splutters for a moment before shyly nodding his head. Staying awake to watch a movie with his idol was a much better option than facing the cold quiet of a new space. 

…

Peter fell asleep about 15 minutes into the movie just like Tony was hoping he would. He doesn't turn the film off or go to move the kid, just lets him sleep. He is much too familiar with the effects of silence. A breeding ground for negative thoughts and emotions, a boxing ring for inner thoughts to pick away at you bit by bit. So while Tony doesn't move him he does drape a thick blanket over the kid, seeing the hair on his arms stand up on end and feeling the chill of the room himself. It's only 7:30pm and Tony refuses to allow tiredness to creep in but it's a losing battle and before soon he is also passed out on the couch, a sore back and crooked neck inbound.

Tony wakes with a start, alerted by an incoming call buzzing in his pocket and blearing into the now quiet room. Squinting at the bright light he is awake in a second once he reads the name on screen. He reprimands himself for not thinking and quickly answers the call.

“May! So good to hear from you, in fact I was just about to call -”

“Peter’s missing,”

Tony is momentarily stunned into silence by the words, “No, he should still be here with me, I offered him to stay the night,”

“Well he was at the apartment about thirty minutes ago and now he’s gone again so unless you know where he is, I suggest you start looking.” The serious, composed tone is enough to have Tony’s heart beating faster. 

Forcing some composure in his voice he asserts a curt "On it." And hangs up. Searching the room he finds the discarded blanket folded neatly and placed on the back of the couch. "What are you up to kid?" Storming around the room he makes his way to Peters assigned bedroom only to find it as empty as it has always been. "F.R.I.D.A.Y, tell me something good,"

"Peter is no longer in the building,"

"You have a funny idea of what good news means,"

"Tracking Peter's phone now. His phone is currently at a park not far from here."

"Thanks Fri, send me the directions." What the hell was Peter doing at a random park at 11:30 at night. He had taken the time to fold the damn blanket, go home and then leave again only to stop at a park out of the way of both places. 

Hastily parking his car Tony spots Peter sitting at the top of a jungle gym type structure just staring out upon a lake. 

"Are you mad at me?"

Tony frowns, "Why would I be mad?" He doesn't answer. "May called me."

"Yeah… she called me too. A bunch of times actually."

The silence is starting to suffocate Tony now too.

“Peter, what is going on?”

"I… I just realised that… I've made a mistake." Peter is talking slowly, thinking over his sentences before he says them.

"What do you mean?"

"You are the only person on the face of the  _ planet _ that knows I'm Spiderman. And, and I feel  _ guilty _ because now it's not only my burden to carry but  _ yours _ as well. I could handle it when I knew no one would be worried about me but now…"

"Peter, no matter what, the people who love you will  _ always _ be worried about you whether you give them a reason to or not. You have been carrying around this idea that your secret is going to change who you are and that it will change how people look at you or think of you but - and let me make this  _ abundantly _ clear - you are still you, you are still the blinding smart Peter Parker that I know. You are  _ not _ a burden and you're not alone, you never have been. And as long as I'm around you never will be; I'm like an STI, can't get rid of me."

Peter finally cracks an almost smile at the slight joke and Tony knows he's said the right thing. 

"You can breathe now kid,"


End file.
